I sit on the floor and lean back. The back of my head touches the cold wall behind me, my arms tightly hug my legs against my chest; close my eyes and feel them roll back as I breathe in the harsh cold air.

Hold it...let go, thoughts begin.

Here I am. Alive, and I still can't believe it. There was in fact, life after death. But the question remains, how do I possibly cope with these inner changes that weren't planned for? That were harshly forced upon my heart and mind? One answer seems to make its way back to me every time; to just live. But how can I?

Things will never be what they once were, no matter what the subject.

So many unanswered questions left to be solved only by one part of the problem. What can you possibly get out of 1 + x = x ??? I'm left to assume. To come up with my own answers to try and make sence of this mess. Anxiety develops when I consider all the other possible reasons; my wretched mind throws me back once more. Square one.

I feel so God damned broken.

Of course life still pumps through my veins, but in my heart, this feels like Morphine. Numbness. Never before have I thought that I would have to remind myself of how something felt to truely touch me, to frighten me, to anger me, to give me happiness. Why is it that the most alive emotion in me is so negative? Why must I dwell? This stew has begun to fester.

Inhale...savor...slowly exhale.

As I open my eyes and lift my head up from the wall, my gaze finds the floor..focusing on concrete pebbles the years have given birth to from the broken sidewalk I rest on.

-to be finished-